What does it mean to be a bad negotiator? People sometimes find negotiations overwhelming or have had negative experiences negotiating in the past. You might feel like a bad negotiator, but you’re probably not really as bad as you think you are. Maybe you’ve made some mistakes in previous negotiations and are generalizing from what you did to who you are. Maybe you’ve never been trained in negotiations and feel like you don’t know what you’re doing. Maybe you went into a negotiation unprepared and got clobbered. Maybe you got frightened, or anxious, or excited, or encountered a situation that stressed you out. Maybe you’re just new at this and need more practice.
Often, people are more or less comfortable with different kinds of negotiations. Some negotiations are more competitive in their nature and others are more collaborative, and if you say that you are a bad negotiator, really, you might just feel unconfident in competitive situations. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable negotiating within relationships or in certain settings. In my experience, very few people are in fact, bad negotiators. Instead, you do well enough sometimes and less well at other times, but the bad ones stick in your mind and impact how you think about yourself and about the process of negotiating.
One reason that you might feel like a bad negotiator is that you’ve never been trained in it. Like any craft, negotiation involves skills and behaviors that you’re not born with but learn over time. Take the time to read negotiation books, attend workshops, and observe experienced negotiators, and you will gain confidence.
You also need to prepare before you negotiate. Gather information, do research, ask questions. Not being prepared will impact your results and make you feel bad no matter your skill level.
Maybe you get anxious or stressed out. Negotiations can be scary. There are lots of decisions to be made, often under pressure, and with uncertain results. You might be uncomfortable with conflict, or when dealing with authority figures, and the fear of getting hurt, or damaging relationships, or feeling bad paralyzes you. Slow down, breathe, take breaks, and get support from others in order to manage your emotions and regain your composure.
Finally, it could be that you just need to practice more before you get comfortable negotiating. I doubt you’re a bad negotiator. Like everyone, you have strengths and challenges, and need to find strategies to overcome your challenges and then keep practicing.